● @ Friday, September 29, 2006 ●
as usual, my com's memory space is still as low as ever. teh com ended up telling me that i have OMB in my com's memory space, believe or not. so i ended up removing my windows live messenger.. and its better now; i have 56MB now. ridiculous as it may sound, i am satisfied with this. enough of distractions from the much intended topic of this blogger entry.
well... i've gotten back almost all my Prelims r esults which will determine my fate for the first 3 mths next yr? hai.. actually.. i've scored quite badly la. but.. i don't feel affected by it. probably due to the distractions that i am having for the past few days as i was editing my bio + chem notes since i'm selling them to the sec 3s. i'm selling 8.5 for both subjs. 12 ppl from 3e1 and 2 from 3e2 is buying. i find the figures in 3e1 is indeed huge as i had expected less than 5. i guess i have gotten the right promoter la.. which is Agnes, the ex-band member. she was the one who came finding me abt 2 yrs after she left the band? i also dunoo why.. but nvm. she has done me a big favour this time. :) sigh. i keep wanting to distract myself out of teh topic isn't it..
argh..well.. so.. my results are bad but i dont feel that bad for some strange and unknown reason. teh only sadness i felt was upon receiving my EM paper 1 and my biology paper. i got a B3 for my EM paper 1 which is downright disgusting considering the fact that it's a paper one.... it's elementary math and so many got As?? hai. i also got a B3 for BIO??! it's outrageous. i felt very put-off and disappointed initially... but it ended up that after Mrs J read out the mks of everyone, i am like at least the top 15... er.. although i was the 2nd on mid yr?? ya lor.... wait. i think top 10 la.. not top 15 lol. so.. i am really eager to see my EM paper 2's mks... cus it determines my fate sia.... hai. EL is amazing? or ather shocking la.. to see a number of ppl in my class failing english?? it is v v v v scary~! one guy i wont mention his name... he's like so bright in all his subj... except eng? he failed it! and its like so wasted lor... i think he is v unlucky this this time lor.. sigh.
ENG: well.. my english is supe tyco? i was one of the highest for teh papaer 1 essay? but... k i wil say my worries later ar.... o i just say my performance first... and anyway there were like almost 10 ppl who were the highest.. so lol manz. it makes me feel that it's no big deal although i was shocked that i am one of them. actually.. i was talking to sq when ms lim said tt there's a girl who also got the highest. and a strange feeling suddenly came upon me? that it;'s me? so i looked away from sq's eyes and stared down.. adn lol. it was me. so lame.. haha... but i like that essay actually. i felt that i was really fighting for the birds plus animals freedom. thats why i still can suspect myself being one of the top la. if not i wont de. haha.
BUT! i failed my eng aper 2 compre. only 12 in my class passed for it. so.. those who passe, congrats! i dont feel anything actually. cus i felt too shock over my paper one essay to feel any disappointment for paper 2. i passed my overall for eng.. but... it's a C5.... gua gua.. lol.. i'm copying my brother. =D why am i smiling? u may have ask.. ya la. its v jia lat right.. and to imagine myself aiming for A2 or B3... it's my compre which brought me down. ya lor. but after comparing myself to others, i feel slightly batter. =X sorry.. cus that is indeed human instinct. wana bet? we feel better when others do worst than us. my dad and i were discussing abt that recently.
CHI: i got a 50 for my chi. lol! i fell asleep doing paper 1 and i felt so agitated doing paper 2 lor. it was indeed and really wasting my time. :( i am amazed with myself that i have no feelings at all to think that i am the lowest in class and to think that i just scraped through. i think its cus i've alreday known my chi Os result and i'm satisfied with my D7. :) haha. i sound so dumb but its ok with me. CHEM: i got a B4.. sianx diao lor.. i gota B3 last term.. but all of them are not my desire la.. i wana an A2. well.. i can try again isn't it. i dont feel much abt this paper la.. just that i was hoping for a B3 instead and i missed by a few mks. :( now for the fun part! haha... i feel that my mks are by luck?? absolute luck? =X hai.. i should have more confidence in myself isn't it.. but.... i am so filled with disappointment for almost 1 and a half year, to have much confidence in myself for these subjects:
AM- i got a 43/80 for paper 1 initially. bad isn't it. so many crosses. but then.. i added once. then 44. that was yest. and today, i added 2 more mks. lol man! so its now 46 now instead of 43.. haha.. what a big jump.. but no change in grade since she rounded up for me initially.. now for teh fun paper 2 is lol manz. i got 65/80 meaning that i lost 15 mks. it is the FIRST time in my life that i'm counting how many mks i lose instead of how many mks i get, for an AM paper. siao man! its just soooooo nice to see so many qs getting correct for AM? sorry ar.. i'm v the junior in AM.. have been really weak all the while. so... dont be so bored reading this. haha... but teh paper 2 looks sooooo lovely. :) *muakz*. but overall lor.. i couldnt get an A2~! cus i got like... 69.375 mks? @#% sianx.... but still, i enjoyed my am paper. sigh...
LIT: i only know my SOB plus EOTP mks.. not my unseen. did rather poorly for EOTP.. was the last 10 or 15 in the class i guess. whole class passed for this sect except one person. i was a bit sianx.. then receive SOB. well.. i see the mks.. so so only la. didnt give it a second glance. cus EOTP- 60% and SOB also 60%. so quite sianx la.. so i started complaining abt my SOB got 60% and ms solastri wrote so many negative comments. i ws even looking at teh class reaction upon receiving their SOB, with an unhappy feeling, thinking many scored much much higher. and lol manz. turn up... i was one of teh lucky ones? cus only 19 passed for SOB and.. i shouldn't be complaining that i get 60% right. i so paisei manz. i even complained loudly abt my SOB and i diddnt realise that that's a gd mk until so many gave me a wow? i am so blur manz... hai.. in conclusion? lit is quite an unexpected subj. to think tt 29 passed lit in mid yr except me, making me feel so bad. and now, 19 passed SOB and i am one of them? but my EOTP is lousy.. so... i guess.. lit is really unexpected manz.
combined H is so-so... i got 58. :( mrs zamree refuse to bring me up to a 60. sigh.. 58 is just a C5.. but mrs za,ree said some encouraging words which made me glow with pride. cus i was an E8 to a C5.. E8 cus i diddnt bother to study, which received so much disapppointing words from her la.. :( my L1R5 for 5 subjects is now er.... 20. that's supposing that i wont be taking my lit or EM. of cus i hope that either one of them will do well for me to replace one of teh subj among the 5 of them la... ya.. so my L1R5 will be >20..... cant enter JC for the first 3 mths. waha. i have nth to say. i am really dead these days. i duno why! i think i am too disappointed last time le.. haha... really! i feel nth lor. except that i sometimes suddenly remb abt this then i a bit sad la.. liek during eng lesson today... so i ended up staring at my subj mks whiel ms lim was going through the compre ans...
~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~*~~~~~~~~~~~*~
i am very worried actually. i am worried abt how much we can be deceievd about our own performance in tanglin. personally, i use the relative mks in teh cohort if possible, and usually in my class, to determine my performance for a particular subject. since i will marks will be moderated in the o levels. hence i see my performance relative to others to determine my performance. BUT... i am afraid that i can no longer be so convinced as before?? Firstly, tanglin prelim papers are almost O level standards. this is something that we all have to admit. Next, we are a cohort of a PSLE aggregate of about 209 in express? isn't that really low? compare with the rest whoa re still taking the Os like us. wont theirs be like 240++? isn't that so stressful?
therefore can you compare yourself with your peers in tanglin?? i really doubt that it will be fair to do so. hai... and one solid evidence that i have is the o level eng result last yr. only like 5 got a distinction? so can we still moderate in our normal prelim exam, assuming that those who get a 65 gets an A in Os just cus 65 is the highest in the entire cohort>???? obviously not right. cus teh sad truth is that almost half of teh tanglinians are below teh average mks in singapore. my conclusion? even if yuo are the top few in the class/ tanglin, don't be so happy cus teh standard in tanglin really low.
actually.. i know abt this some time ago liek in sec 3 like i'm sure all of u do.. but that thought when out of my memory soon after i expressed this to mrs koh and mrs koh said that i'm smart just cus i said that. lol. but i'm worried! cus it's all so deceiving isn't it? u think u score ok, but actually you don't? hai.. conclusion is that moderation of mks should not be carried out in tanglin as teh standard is too low which will result in the moderation of mks as a cause of giving others a sense of false hope. that is my opinion.
and... the teachers all look so worried for us these days that it is rather contagious. cus if the teachers are feeling down due to our mks, why aren't i? cus i dont feel that affected. =X. i've not yet started studying.. but i'm starting soon. hai... and there's no more FOCUS... making things appear so uncertain.. and it's 5 weeks to O levels.. next week is 4.... and we have 2 weeks of Frech Leave... so we're only left with 2 weeks of being under the guidance of our teachers? it all sounds so scary. hai...
i just feel that i need to be more positive to my mistakes made in the exams.. and not so reluctant to do the corrections? hai.. cus this attitude sux lor. hai.. i feel ok and not ok with my results now. i can tell with that cus i'm listening to kelly clarkson songs which are so full of angst and frustration which i am enjoying it? sigh.. i wana go le. i've gota do my own self-reflection hw on my exams. and tat ws is like sooooooooooooooooo sian.. to think that i created it for myself. the list of qs that i am asking myself, forcing myself to reflect over my results.. i dont say those stuff here la. haha...
cya.
Even in the Darkest Moments, there will always be One thing. That is HOPE.
Savour Every Moment
