● @ Friday, July 28, 2006 ●
i've just realised that i've been blogging rather frequently recently. hmm.. anyway, jensen went ku-ku yesterday la.. said "fuck" in front of mrs koh when she asked him politely over some issues about harrassment of nigel.. long story.. and mrs koh cried.. wanted to dis-own him. lol.. i was happy for a sec. =X. long story.. and last night, jensen sort of apologised to me for his action in class?? he sms'd me twice but i didn't bother to reply.. siao la he. duno why he apologise to me for what. hai..
for some reason, there is something which i can't help but to notice. that is if Mrs Jacob finds something amusing, she will look at me in the eye and start joking or complaining. i can't help but to say this as it has happened too frequently that i can't help noticing? but this only happens at times during lesson time. i just find it all so strange. there's a crowd of people and why do you have to find my face and look at me if you know that i'm around? i'm not complaining; i just find it all so odd.
cus i have to produce an expression that she expects to see? like when she showed us a video on a lady giving birth to a child a few terms ago, she turned around 180 degrees just to look at my facial expression? wah seh manz. i know she's loking at me. cus there's no one behind me and i know how her eyes will appear if she's looking at someone else. there was only lyefong and me on teh table that time i guess.. and she was looking directly at me manz. i was like so pressurised to give her the expresion that she wants manz. i really went sianx diao. so i dont understand why she's doing this again recently? i just feel soooooo strange you know.
i know what it means but i refuse to face the reality you see. hai.. no matter how much i want something, i know i will never have it. my hopes will never come true. so i see no purpose in her acting in such a * way. hai.. it just saddens me that i know my hopes will never occur. at least not in this life. but i'm glad that she had come into my life. hai..
anyway i was late for BASICS lesson which's after recess yest as i was talking to mrs zamree. actually wanted to pass her a hw which i had left in mrs koh's class. but we ended up chatting. i shall leave out the rest of our conversation. there;s only one interesting part: she found me much downcasted this yr. she found it v hard to describe how she felt about me.. hmm.. sigh.. that was how i started talking abt me wanting toc ommit suidicde before? but i only told her a slight degree of things.
when i came back to the class, mrs koh was actually smiling at me. and a few mins later, she was yelling at the class and subsequently cried (jensen's case). how wierd.. and sam told me that she was already furious with the class before i came? and why would she be smiling at me? so wierd...... don't telll me that she thinks i'm late cus i'm meeting a schmate or something? arghz.. >.< i hope not.
i'm attending a concert tnr.. i promised my senior that i'll be turning up and i'll be keeping my promise. meanwhile, i'm getting v sianx of having to stduy with ppl during the weekends. hai.. its not that i dont like that.. it's just that i'm not so free and its making me stressed up...
and i keep getting so many frequent headaches this days. its everyday since the start of this wk? that i'm having my hedaches. i find it really abnormal as headaches are a rare case for myself since young. i have it once a mth in the past? TTS WHY.oops. sry.
anyway, i went to ginza with sq today.. and i bought my first pair of ear rings for myself!! :) a dark purple round ear rings.. :) and when i reached home, i wasn;t feeling happy as i was feeling rather stressed and tensed up. but i started struggling to take off the ear rings that they used to pierce my ears.. as sam had said, they are really hard to take out as they have double hook... when i finally took my ear rings out after much tension and excitment, i found my ear holes looking so red! it looks liek its bleeding. >.< but how exciting it was! :)
ignore my eng.. i am conscious that it's getting worst as i continue. haha..
i duno what to type le. just wana say that i've wasted 3 wks in my life so far. what the crap. i was so freaking pissed lor. sigh.. hai.. bb.
Savour Every Moment
