● @ Monday, October 03, 2005 ●
29/10/05
Hmm…. I’ve gotten back my report card last night.. so its barely 24 hours ago when I was feeling so edgy and nervous… unlike now feeling much more laid-back. Although my mood dipped slightly upon glancing through my previous entry to see where I had left off. Hmm…. Cus it’s due to my AM. Well…. Let me talk about my SA2 results before proceeding to what’s in the report card and followed by what’s going on in the band and lastly, my holidays.
Well……. Hmm… don’t feel like talking about my results actually…. Let me talk about the pestimistic news first to cheer myself up later… well… er.. aiyah… v hard to say lei… hmm.. I keep taking deep breaths now also duno for what… hahhaha.. not funny. Er… ok. I failed my AM: 42. lol.. my finger went for a ‘7’ when I was abt to type out my mks. And.. ya. My target was an A2 for AM.
EM & AM
Let me start typing down what I wrote for the reflections which Mrs Koh had demanded one from us for our AM results. Hmmm.. In this whole exam, the subject I studied the hardest was Additional Mathematics as I had developed a love for that subject. Apparently, some of my love electrons had undergoed some ionic bonding between AM and a guy. Nope; not covalent bonding.. its an ionic bonding one.. ya… haha..
So……. I failed! Ok? Haha. Ya.. I studied the hardest for, and gotten the worst result for in my SA2 and overall which is my additional mathematics. Sounds awful isn’t it? But I’ve gotten over it le.. Cus my heart is feeling quite cold despite recalling and discussing about this issue, which is really heart breakening for myself a week ago. I had spent exactly 8 days to overcome my sorrowfulness. I had knew about my results on the 20th… and now I am feeling perfectly fine.. this is due to time which always enable a wound to heal by itself, my psycholoical and most importantly, what mrs koh said yesterday and the comments in my report card which gave me so much hope and strength.
I was and am very determined to find out what went wrong in that paper as I knew that it’s not the lack of work that has failed me; its other factors which I shall relate them to yesterday’s events. Relatively, I am lousy in the class for my AM, which only saddens me deeper a week ago. Although I had gotten a distinction in my EM, it was still lousy. I wanted an A1; not a2. And I was fustrated with myself when I saw how easily the whoel class was able to get a distinction. And am therefore considered the ‘lucky ones’ who had gotten a distinction for EM. That was what I saw myself as.
But thinking again, my math is lousy in the first place, isn’t it? It’s only due to my term 3 results that had increased my status as a mathematics student. And EM is all about fundamentals. I had scored way above expectation for my paper 1, but when bai lu passed me my paper 2, I really gaped at the marks that was scibbled on the paper. I had gotten a 59 for paper 2. I was in a complete stae of shock. That was the start of the rolling stones for my day. Immediately after that, mrs koh flashed my class’s AM results on the viewer and that was how I knew that I failed my AM.
I had felt so disappointed in my AM results that I couldn’t help crying. That is the privellege of sitting in the back and at the corner in the class. But unfortunately I had cried too hard till my whole first was so red, and erm.. my tears couldn’t stop on time. This is the first time I’ve cried so badly outside other than perhaps when I was a baby.. This is because I cried till I was gasping for air.. I just felt tremendously disappointed with myself and I couldn’t understand why I had failed my AM, when there were half of the class who managed to pass. Mrs koh than stood up and was looking at me in a rather worried manner but I couldn’t be bothered at that time.
From that day onwards, I kept saying that I had failed tremendously. ‘failing’ in a way that is failure in goals, and not failure in grades. To fail in your goals badly, is worst than failing in your exam when I compare the degree of hurt it gives me.
Other subjects
Other subjects are ok la.. I found it a rather peculiar news when I passed my physics despite now studying at all. But to me complete honest, I did read something la.. in the morning before the paper, I read a little ablout physics before getting bored with the reading and read my history notes instead. I would agree heartedly with you should you say that my attitude towards physics really sucks. Haha.. And there were 4/5 students in my class who failed physics and I couldn’t understand why they had failed.. I had seen some of them studying leh. Hmm… I guess I am either lucky or v unlucky about my passing grade. Cus it is partly due to me passing physics, that made mr ronnie teo reluctant to allow me to drop it. =(
Chemistry was just luck I guess…. Cus I wasn’t prepared for the paper.. As what I had mentioned in my previous entry, I studied it feverishly the night before meaning I had insufficient sleep, and I was still trying to cram new information a few minutes before the paper.. I just feel that I deserve to fail the paper or to get a 50 plus at least lor.. Hence I am pretty worried for my Chemistry next year as it will obviously be getting much advanced in sec 4.
Literature was a disappointment for myself.. Unable to reach my goal though the marks are almost the same as I usually achieve. Combined humanities…. I just felt that I could do better.. Though I must admit that the effort I had spent in it were not much.. haha… I am an idiot in history actually.. cus I had only studied one chapter for my SEQ which is very risky due to the combination of qs which may appear. But fortunately for me, the qs came out to my wishes. Haha..
Chinese is ok la.. Just that I am pretty worried and concerned about my O level Chinese as I had failed my paper. I got a 49 for the paper.. I failed my compre terribly but amusingly and astonishingly, I scored pretty well for my MCQs. Haha…. As for paper one, my letter writing pushed me down.. =( I got NINE over THIRTY!!! Raving mad isn’t it? Siao power of 100 man. But it was my essay that pushed me up….. =) I wrote a discussive essay one as it was the only qs that I understood out of 4 qs I guess.. It’s about whether anot singaporeans should study abroad or work abroad…. I got duno an A1 or 2 for tt essay.. forgotten le.. but isn’t it crazy? Haha..
Eng.. ok lor.. but again, my compre is terrible….. But my summary was excellent.. that was how I managed to do an ok for my EL ppaer 2 since summary mks consists of half of the paper.. I will look into the problem another day.. hmm… any more subjs? Other than bio…. Haha… I guess not ba.. here goes….
Biology was excellent although I could have done much better.. sobz. The highest in the entire level is 81.5 which is bai lu…. And I gotten an 80.. same as sq…. What the heck man.. 1.5 mks away from the top in level. =( I had 3 careless mistakes… One of my careless mistake caused me to be unable to get a full mks for my section C which is over 20. It’s an essay one.. As I had said in my prev entry.. it was no doubt the most fun part of all. Sq got 19/20 for essay part too and mrs jacob said abt it in class. She said that 2 person got 19/20 for sect C and she said sq and… she trailed off. I immediately looked up and eyed at mrs jacob before she hastily said my name.
She must have found it ironical how I could be one of the top when just a few mths ago, I was complaining to her how hard it is to study biology.. haha… anyway… everyone gets careless mistakes isn’t it? I am not too sure I would no longer be the 2nd should everyone not have a single careless mistake. Hence I should shut up about me having 3 careless mistakes in my bio paper. Haha..
Report Card
I must say that that little clownfish (lyefong) freaked me out totally when I found out hai yu’s class and level position. Her level position and class position have a difference of 30 person. Before she told me about it, I was at my dad’s office happily using the internet to upload a year’s worth of pictures onto my friendster. Wow. You can upload up to 50 man… haha.. cus I had scanned my pictures in his office days ago..
Before that, I was chatting with jaime and my classmates and I was perfectly fine. But I lost my mood completely when the news was dawned on me. It seemed like her msg came as a wake up call for me, that I may be doomed. After that, I couldn’t help pacing all over the office, and I kept talking my dad about my woes and was pacing around the office that my dad decided to leave the office earlier.. He’s pro man.. when I told him hai yu’s class and level posi, he immediately drew me a graph and tried intepretating what it meant although I was too worried to understand what’s he talking.
But the fact here is that our class is lousy lor…
When I went into her classroom, there were 5 people in front of me. And I so sway man… I’ve got dunxin and jensen in front of me.. 2 troublemakers in the class.. and of course, mrs koh talked to them for a really really long time. I waited for an hour and.. I am the last person.. thank goodness.. haha.. cus she do read out some mks…
I was so nervous and tense that I had get out of the classroom to look at the sky and take a few deep breaths, before jensen’s turn is up and its mine. I guess I was more tensed in collecting my report card than preparing for an exams this year. Haha… too late le ma.. isn’t it.. haha
When I saw my class position and level position, I was so relieved beyond words than I diddn’t know how to react. So instead, my face remained as tense as ever; something which I couldn’t understand why. But mrs koh’s words soon relaxed my facial expression. My tensed face was exchanged with a red face. I blushed so terribly… haha.. I felt so overwhlemed with surprise, bashfulness and yet with a glowing sense of pride in me. She said many things about me… she first started it by saying about my reflections to my dad.. She said that I was very angry with myself (I wonder how she infered that) and was very determined not to give up, etc. Following that, she said that I had practised my AM TYS a lot..
And from there, my face took an even deeper shade of redness. She said that I asked her the TYS qs and she was very happy to help me, etc.. And she said that she enjoyed having a student like me. The tone of her voice really expressed her sincerity in her words and she sad about how good I was.. Actually throughout the whole meeting, I can only remember one thing evidently la.. haha.. The part where she said that she really enjoyed having a student like me. But I couldn’t remember her exact words as I guess my head was too low le la.. haha.. I just couldn’t believe it when she said something like that.
She told me that the possible reasons for my AM grades, was that I had flushed during the paper, and that I was too eager to attempt the qs… she advised me to read the qs thrice before attempting.. This confirms my suspicion that she was looking at me during the AM paper… I just felt that she was looking at me. And at the end of the paper, she smiled at me and asked me what I had felt about the paper.. However I was unable to answer her qs as I had felt really exasperated at that time. True… hai.. I had lost my cool totally when I attempted the paper which grew increasingly harder.. In fact, I was really nervous… haha..
She cheered me up considerably though I was quite alarmed when I went into the toilet and saw how red my face was. Actually I had not glance at the mirror at all.. I washed my hands and walked away from the mirror but I immediately walked back to look at the mirror as I had thought I saw a really red face. Which was indeed true after I walked back a few steps to look at myself.
The remarks this time are much more wonderful as to comapred to my mid year remarks… haha..
FT: “kelly is able to challenge herself to overcome her weakness. She has overcomed her fear for AM and is working hard to excel in it. He has a persevering and determined will power that will be the propelling force to her success. A fighter who strategises.”
I find the last part is exceptionally cool. Haha.. fighter…
Math: “kelly’s performance may not be a good reflection of the effort she put in. She has the fighting spirit to overcome her weakness and face challenges which is very crucial in her success.”
I personally find that mrs koh has written almost the same point for both a math teacher and form teacher.. I just couldn’t find the difference… haha..
Biology: “She is very responsible and carries out her duties faithfully. With more effort and perseverance, she will achieve her academic goals”
Mrs jacob is really nice to say the first part.. (I had felt so happy abt tt.. lol) but her 2nd part is ironical in comparision to what she has said for me a year ago.. She said I ‘persevered and was very dilligent’.. means that I bio no effort la.. haha.. but I understand why.. cus I had gotten a 50 in CA but an 80 in SA… so its possible that I had lack of perseverance and dilligence in my CA, isn’t it?
Combined humanities: she said I showed initiative.. possesed the drive to get work done promptly and efficiently.. am calm and confident..
I am really curious since when I showed initiative to mrs zamree.. did I? I cant remb.. haha… in band? I also diddnt do anything to her.. since I seldom see her athough she’s a band teacher in charge.. and I also duno why she say tt I have this drive in me.. weird.. calm and confident… this is a common phrase for me.. ppl find me appearing v confident.. that’s what my seniors found me.. but actually I am not. I am not as confident as I appear to be.. haha… cus as you know me through my blog, I get worried and nervous very easily.. haha…
Chinese: cheerful and sensible.. positive attitude towards sch attitude.. keeness to learn.. tries ny best to keep up with lessons…
Erm.. v lol right.. haha…. She is contradicting almost everything that I posses. Haha… sensible? Haha… Cus I know and accept the fact that I have no hope for my chinese.. hehe.. too bad my phy teacher diddnt say this la.. if not I have more fun saying what it means.. haha.. mean me.
EL… ok la.. wrote everything I had suspected her to write.. enthusiasm in learning.. cus I will clap my hands when she assigns us certain assignments.. argumentive essays.. haha.. consult teacher for advice.. initiative to clarify her doubts.. ya.. I had expected this.. cus I ask her plenty of qs of ways to improve..
Lit: also ask qs…. Plus some other stuff.. v sian to say..
Phy: pleasant and attentive.. the same boring stuff.. exhibits gd self-discipline in her studies.. determination to do well in physics. Er…. I am really guilty abt the last part.. wanting to do well in physics… cus I had not studies for it at all…
Chem: attentive.. self-motivated…. Capable of better results if… (same remarks as mid yr)
It looks like many teacher like saying that I have “self-…..” isnt it.. hmm… I just feel that mrs koh’s remarks really motivates me, which is a splendid start for my revision which I have plan out. This revision plan that I have drawn out for myself, really need lots of will power and determination as it is a really tedious one. I doubt I can sleep early on most of my days except wed and fri… my band days.. Junhao had asked me tt tiem how I cope my band days with doing hw and AM TYS. He had thought that band takes up lots of my time… I don’t really think so… I only have a shred suspicion that my holidays would be made worst with the band practice schedule that would be out soon…
Band
The big news in school and also among teachers too, is about the departual of Mr Wong. He will be leavng on the 15th or 16th of Dec to the MOE HQ as he had got promoted. And due to thAt fact, TSMB is going to be a military band!!!!!! Oh gosh man. U might find it weird.. cus you wll ask, isnt TSMB aldready a military band as its name suggests? But fortunately for me, that isn’t so for I would have quitted the band long ago.
This has aldready been approved by the teachers and even the principal.. Thank goodness I am going to be sec 4 next year and there’s no SYF for us. I hate and detest this reform!!!!! I can’t stand it. Morever, a new teacher would be in charge of the band…I am quite astonished actually by the fact that ms dorean tan would not be leaving us.. and ya..
sHe was the one who propsed this idea, so as to attract more sec ones.. But I honestly doubt that this idea would work for long. Sec ones these days are spoilt, as proven by my 5 Clarinet sec ones. Hence learning music plus marching will only worsten the situation. I am really doubtful about the life span of this Tanglin Band. That is all I have to say, other than to express my extreme horror of us being a marching band.
I shall end off.. hmm.. and.. my quotation for the month is
“Success is when one stands up strong despite falling badly”
I have abundant of hw as though my study schedule for this holidays plus band practices are not bound to murder me. Sigh.. hw from all 9 subjects.. And to think that I would have complained a lot should this pile of hw be given to me years back.
Most importantly, I must remind myself never to give up even when all fails. I go around reminding people that what’s most important is our O levels and I hope this msg of mine really sink into your head too.
LF: By the way, where’s her birthday present? The harry potter book?! Her birthday over so long liao lor… the band ar…. Must work harder leh… work hard as in buy the present faster and wrap la… buy it yourself and not ask some other ppl not from band go buy.. then dono put where liao lor… so sad… L
Kelly: Erm… not I say one hor.. haha.. its that littleclownfish say one… haha… but I nothing to say to disagree with what she says la.. haha…
LF: Even though I hate reading books but kelly love that book but… not as much as the orange yellow with a girl picture in front lying down the cd…but that doesn’t mean tt don need to give her her harry potter book cause she still like the bookJ dont worry.
Kelly: haha.. true.. I do love that orange CD.. haha… but so late le ar.. I think I after O levels read le ba.. sigh…
LF: See laaa….. all who’s fault? She lose interest in the book liao lor…. Not my problem… cannot help u all liao…. Cries…
Kelly: lolx… haha.. I dunnoo… hehe..
LF: Just a word of advice… FASTER GIVE HER LAA… AND WHOEVER IS READING IT… STOP READING…. YOU KNOW IS rud* TO “disturb” ppl’s birthday present?????
Kelly: haha… this clownfish today very fierce right…. Haha… don’t catch her and eat.. later she bite u. haha
Lf: NO NO NO… im not fierce today… its very fierce everydayJ yippee!! When jessica read this she sure say I siao… so before she say me siao… I say her first… jessica you siao ding dang not xiao ding dang
Byebye no more for you all… don’t be sad…. Just stay tuned for more to come!
KABOOM!!! (don’t worry, its not to bomb you) no terrorists here.
Haha… That ‘conversation’ I had was was with that clownfish lyefong… haha.. Cus she’s now in my room.. hhaa… cya..
Savour Every Moment
