● @ Saturday, May 21, 2005 ●
Agenda:
- SYF competition
- Teachers
- Preperation for Mid-yr exams
- Closure for mid-yr exams
- Love
- The book "Tuesdays with Morrie"
Before i continue.. Well, actually i should be flying mad now. Bu i did not. I just chose not to. I was amazed with myself. Not a slightest unhappiness came out from me. I had spent almosy half and hour typing. I had typed really a lot for my story about SYF competition. And well, a feel accidental pressing of buttons on my keyboard left me with an empty screen with no words displayed at all. A page that feels with so much emotions poured onto, suddenly appeared to be so cold and empty. Instead of having my work saved, that was what happened. sigh.. Theme of the story. Don't attempt to do a short-cut if you have not been very familiar with the road.
SYF Competition
That day was a fine day for myself.. Just that i had felt pretty nervous and worried on the early part of the day. It is quite amazing to see how quick time flies. One moment we were practising like crazy and all of us were dead. Realy dead. We are just like some restless soul that is forced to get into a particular room togethr daily and to torure ourselves, togethr with scoldings on every single band practice. It was a terrible experience. It turned out that even those"band-lovers" became sicked of the band too and all of us dread getting scoldings from our conductress Ms Tan. Which was something very natural.
That day turned out to be a rather cheerful event. Much of a complete opposite to what i had feared and dread the most. We had managed to achieve a silver to much of many' delights. I cried twice that day. First time was after we had got down from the performing stage and waiting for our results. I had felt very ashamed and guilty for playing quite a couple of mistakes throughout the competition. Not elaborating as i had spent lots of time elaborating about my reason for crying, just now. Anyway, I think i should detatching myself from such thoughts.. Everything is over and we shouldn't think so much le.. Just make sure we do not make the same mistakes again!
The second time was when the results was announced. All of us felt so shocked, moved and overwhelmed that we just could not hold back our tears. I was surprised that we were able to make it after all these terrible practices.
The main reason was that Ms Tan has been criticising us like hell, which made our morale and confidence level dropping sharply. Yup; it really made us that way. That was why we never anticipated a silver medal this year. Some were even spectaculating a COP, much to the annoyance of others and myself. What a wonderful and perfect way to encourage to team mates, huh? anyway, i find the people ion the band are going downhill. In terms of character. Tan shin and i had discussed over it a few weeks ago.
That night ended on a happy note. We recieved plenty of chocolates and well, i am impressed with the band culture. haha... We still owe our sec 4s plus section's alumnis chocs. But i had said it to myself, that i would ensure all of us return their chocs someday.
As i slumped onto my bed that night, I felt happy despite feeling lethargic and the aching of my whole body. The SYF was really about one's endurance anout suffering. And i think we should learn how to enjoy things that we dislike. In this way we will be much practical and happier people instead of grumbling souls. SYF had really taught me something and i found it a great experience. When i was a sec one i seen all my seniors suffered through their competition practices. And i thought i was extremly lucky to only get through my SYF once in my secondary sch years. But i found myself wrong 2 years down the road- which was on the day of my SYF Competition.
I had felt pleased too as i had got something that night which is really something that i need to be serious about. ya.. I need to be stricter. sigh... That is what the seniors find that is lacking in me. They want me to be harsher with my juniors.. More strict!!! ugh.. ok.. hmm.. will try my best. sigh.. why am i saying such things? It's because..
I had been declared as the new 2005 Sectional Leader that Night.
Teachers
I had wanted to contact Mr Chan on a day before my Chemistry paper recently. Sure enough, I got it a day later on an afternoon after we left Shi Ning's house. He had called my hp, through his hp. And when i asked him who had passed my num to him, he said my boyfriend in this class. *LOL* And he is so smart... When i started complaining/ whinning, he said ya ma. Boys are friends right? .. okie Mr Chan, he won. He claimed that the boy he asked was handsome. lol.. And lyefong later guessed Ian aswe walked away. hmm.. interesting..
ya.. and i managed to get Ms Sophia's num on a day before the literature paper 2 from lye fong. She had wanted me to ask some exam qs.. She has ms lim's one, though i am not interested.. Though i can tell that our teacher-student relationship is getting closer lesson after lesson.
Mrs Jacob? She is well.. Still off course lar. v nice lor.. haha.. sigh.. confirmed.. she shows favourtism. Anyway, had asked her to teach me last friday. meaning on the 13th the friday... Just took my literature paper 1. well... That was a "sob-sob" paper.. haha. copying ms solastri... back to mrs jacob. hmm.. ok lor.. she... Still v nice.. She had passed me her rm keys after that as she went to the staff rm as i collected ws for shi ning and myself. And in her classroom, i caught sight f my magnet. well, she keeps moving my magnet that's for sure and i wonder why. And she knows i can't stand if if she scolds me. She was v cute. She had talked rather harshly at one part where she was teacjhing me and i gave her a kind of look. And she apologised saying she was in a bad mood. I just don't understand why she has to apologise.
Mr Ronnie Teo.. All these are boring.. He is so friendly le.. too friendly to students that i found him a lil' boring.. haha.. Mrs Koh. well.. I just can't help disliking her day after day. During examinations, other schoolmates are making such a din. And she keeps quiet till she is unable to tolerate them. What is this??? In mrs jacob's class last year, such things never happened. She would stand at the corner of the classroom ensuring that such unnecessary isn't disturibing her students. Unlike Mrs Kih who keeps doing her own marking and not caring much. What is this?? sigh.. Forget it. Cos' i just dislike criticising others recently.
Preperation for Mid-yr exams
After my daily practices for SYF are completed I just felt rather lazy and tired. Not used to it as we can now get home immediately after school.. haha. But it was tough to catch up with the rest. sigh... Throughout my whole time studying upon reaching home, I came to a realisation. Being in 3E1 is really no easy feat. Having to juggle with 9 subjects with your CCA (Band) is really tiring and exahusting. Mrs Jacob's advice for me last year was worthwhile though i had not heed her advice. I was still determined to enter the first class. sigh.. And studying for my mid-yr exams was really a big eye opener for myself. It is really a busy and hectic one. Never felt so hectic studying for exams before.
I just do not know how to describe. There are so many subjects that you have to study all at once. Planning your time is really a crucial thing now. So crucial in this class that i feel at the end of the day it is not the smartest person that will have the first in class position. It is the one who plans his/ her time the best that wins the game.
The strange thing here is that I do not feel as stressed up as before. Just feel very drained out and weary day after day. And a hectic life that is always so busy. Enter home, see my mom fgace, enter the room, lock myself inside. Out to the toilet. And the rest of my time is spent on my studying desk. What a pathethic life. And when i tell people i dont watch the TV, they just don't get it. They took it as I'm not like them; an addict to the screen. No!!!! It means I don't bother to look at the screen! Any way, why do i look? It's always black in colour. What a bore. *lol*
Closure for Mid-yr exams
It is really crazy. I counted and we had a total of 12 papers to take. All ten subjects right? Literature is split into 2 papers. The same goes for Elementary Mathematics.
I am really nervous over my results. sigh.. My english paper one composition would either be fantastic or terrible; 2 extreme ends. This is because I took a change inmy style of writting. I took more care in arguing my points, etc. However, I fear that my over carefulness had given a disavantage that is that my views isn't balanced well enough. Chinese is always a disaster for myself. Noting unusual though.. I am fine so long i pass my papers. And not just scraping a pass. sigh.. Mathematics, hai. I had failed both types in my report card. So what do you think I will be going through?
EL Literature 1 is terrible for myself!!!! *cries* I interpretated the unseen poetry given to me, terribly. I felt ashamed of myself. Felt that I have no face at all to look at others now. hai.. Just feel that I did very badly and I had deproved a lot. This subject is linked to Biology. I just wan't able to recall all my facts propely during my Biology paper. Brain was both deda and shut-down. Mrs jacob could have understand me for that as i had told her my problem. BUT, i will not be able to forgive myself. I just diddn't remember the facts hard enough!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh. This subject paper really bothered me a lot.
In fact, After my biology paper which was on Monday 16th, I returned home feeling depressed. I had felt depressed as I felt that I have been doing a terrible job for both my lit paper 1 (fri) and Biology which was on that day. But i managed to myself through after a while of deep thinking as I realised that if i continue to be in such a state, my subjects taht was to be taken the following day would be adversely affected. The 2 papers were My additional mathematics and physics. Moreover, one shouldn't regret so much about his past mistakes. I have just said the word. "Past". So what for bothering about it at the end of the day? Just ensure that such mistakes does not repeat again.
On the day of my biology paper was also my Literature paper 2. I just found it a success for myself as I spent a hard time thinking about the linkage between all the stories in the book "The Sense Of belonging" (phew, its hard to type fast while capitalising the initials) . On that morning, i told the answer to Jaime, ShuQing and HaiYu and her EL is weak I wish to help her. As for Jaime and SQ, its cos they asked me and I told them since i was fond of them. KaPo asked me too. But I did not tell her fully.
SQ asked why I had not tell KP. My reply was an ans which i was really indignant. "Do you know I had spent half of my day yesterday (Sunday), thinking for the ans, also being unable to eat my dinner in peace? And you can't be expecting me to tell the whole class an ans which many wants but with me having such sufferings right? " This reply satisfied her.
But it was absolutely true, far from an uindesirable lie. I was thinking so hard and felt very worried for my lit paper 2. Thisis partially a reason for me not studying my biology properly. This is due to the fact that Literature and Biology are both my favourite subjects. It was a tough fight for myself to decide on which subject to study. Well, take that as just an excuse.
The ans? Well, well... Sense of belonging= Being loyal to your friends, family, workplace, etc. It also means that you must not betray others. This is the intrinstic meaning of The Sense Of Belonging. The next meaning is an obvious one as it is the literal meaning. It means that one must have a sense of belonging at a particular place in order to acheive this "sense of belonging". How to link this title with all the stories? Long ans. I always believe that if someone really want to know the ans, they've just got to pluck up the courage and ask. It's that simple lor..
*Anyway, I must thank LyeFong as i had completely forgotten that we are supposed to think for an ans for this in preperatio0n for our lit 2 exam. She was the one who called me up that late morning to ask me this qs. Without her, I would have also not made it through as you can see, I needed almost half a day to think uup of an ans and linking statements to the stories.
E.M 2 was the easiest math paper i took. It was the only paper that had everyone smiling minimally once. Lit one paper was one that no one smiled. Physics and Chemistry was one that made me feel awful about myself. Inother words, I did a terrible job for all my Sciences.
Love
Love is something that practically disturbs most teens these days. How sad and disturbing can this be. Before I continue, I realised that my mentality has changed after the SYF competitions, the going through of my exams and after watching the movie Star Wars in lieu of the reading of Tuesdays with Morrie. yup. My mentality has changed.
As for love, it has been changed after witnessing all the events that happenining between LyeAFong and Dunxin. "Envy is something one never should ever have after all" I had once said to myself after an (hmm... thinking of a word now..) nono.. after my thoughts that holds much profundity.
I shall not elaborate much. But I just know that my thinking has been changed adversely recently. Shall I say my thoughts? hmm... Some may sleep while others may be interested. well, sometimes i am really interested to see how one respond to my different passages. Which passage do you usually skip and which one will you stop to look? By knowing which passage you are most interested and least interested in will allow me to infer something about the personality for this particular person. I am just very curious. sigh..
hmm.. But i guess i shall not express much about my love now. Just want to say that somehow rather, it is much easier letting lose of things after all. And it is no point getting depressed over a person. What is the use of getting depressed and having your life activities to stop just for a particular person? It is just useless doing so. Doing that doesn't gain you anything nor is it getting you anywhere. Besides, it is going to make you walk backwards.
In life, one must be constantly walking forward instead of backwards. That is why there is always a new day that we must always look forward to. Look in front always. In a dessert, There's no point looking back at all your footsteps and your possible spillage. You are just merely wasting time. No point observing your footsteps and spillage with great detail and mourn over them. If you decide to mourn over them, you are just walking in circles.
And walking in circles will get you nowhere. Just stop there, look at your spillage and find the reasons why and off you go. No pint walking round in crircles. There is much to be done in life especially when you are young. Therefore I have proven my point that getting all depressed over a particular someone is simply useless.
The next matter is about LyeFong. sigh... I just sympathise with her and my heart goes out with her. hai.. I guess, she must just learn how to let go. She once wana look at my blog. But i stopped her. In fact, I don't allow others to read de.. I find it very wierd to see someone everyday, who is able to know what i am thinking. But it is alright, Jessica. I have grown used to it. If you are wondering, this reason is why I had been rather uncomfortable with you when i had just known you in class. Just don't feel like facing one who knows what I am thinking. But as I have mentioned, I am fine with that now.
LyeFong fears to let go. That is why she is so desperate now. Dunxin is simply too childish. He does not know how to place himself in the shoes of others and he lacks of compassion. I doubt they can be fine until DunXin becomes more matured, open his eyes wider, be more understanding and not to be so obstinate. sigh.. LyeFong is not going to be very happy if he remains like this. That is all i can say and well, I just could not help feeling disturbed by her sms'es when i wasout with celestine on Thur after school.
had wanted to talk about the bk tue with morrie. a wonderfl bk. but my dad is chasing me out now le. so i gotta go.. now in my dad's off. he had seen some clients with his bro just now.. they look so much alike! haha. how cute...
and e cmpt in my cmpt is still dead.. gonna fixed it hopefully by tonight. anyway, had read finish e bk ast night and i m going to read it again. realise tt my structure now v wierd right? cus typing with one hand. how uncomfortable.. mmm.. after reading e bk, i gotta go and update all my subjs file. what a long holi. fri is off, sat, sun, mon. how funn.. no sch... hee.. i wana go publish le.. cyaa..
Had my EL oral last thursday, after our Chemistry paper. When with Kelly (tan), shi ning, cecilia, jaime, SQ, Lyefong, celestine and I to shi ning's hse. After we got out, I heard this "Right Here Waiting" ringtone.. s i was rather dreamy when i got out (shining had asked everyone "Whose water bottle is this?" It was mine and i did not realise. how wierd). So dreamy that i diddnt realise the ringtone was mine until celestine asked. An unknown num and i piced it us and it was a man's voice who sounded rather friendly. I wondered why Mr Wong is calling me and before i knew it, it was mr chan. he sounded so funny on the phone. really comical.
Savour Every Moment
