● @ Friday, February 11, 2005 ●
hmm... Really hope you guys are having a wonderful Chinese New Year.. hmm.. Just really hope so.. hmm...
Not feeling so natural at the moment. I have obviously cooled down.. hmm... however, mentally not to right.. Feeling rather disturbed.
Let me do my usual blogging of events... sigh..
hmm.. well.. lets see.. Today is friday... Surprisingly no homework at all. First time, in my sec 3 life, there is not assignment that has to be done. To make things better, no homework on a weekend. haha.. Would have placed exclamation marks if i am in the mood. ha.. but not now. hmm...
Though there is no hw, still feel very stressed. Feel like my neck is at a high bottle neck. sigh.. Can't breathe easy (pls dont take the literal meaning). well.. Feeling very stressed up. I am glad that there is no test gven to us today. But that only means that we would be having them next week. It is possible to have an A math test and physics test next week. The ones that are for sure is the Biology and Chemistry test. We are having them next week.
To make matters get into complication, the biology test would be one that has 2 chapters in it. And i have not revised much of it. (Exclamation seems to make no sense to be used now). As for chemistry, i need to study that chpter for test. Mr Chan taught a new topic today. Hence, i am required to revise it though i am not having a test on that chapter.
As for math, I am clueless of what's going on in one of the chapters. Physics, sian. hai. Unlimited amount of sighing would be of no use to me at the moment.
When i was sec one, there was tis idiotic fellow who told me that sec 1 is the easiest life (yes, i agree absolutely). Sec 2 has a tougher life, and sec 3 life would be easier and sec 4 would be the worst. In my view, what a crackpot story is this. Sec 3 life easier than sec 2? well.. I strongly disagree with all my heart and soul. That phenomenal is possible, only if you are in the normal classes. Not in a pure science class. That is what i feel. My sec 2 life is so much less stressful and hectic compared to my sec 3 one. Die le..... I am feeling so stressed now as if i am having a common test tmr (feelings when im in sec 2). I really wonder what will hapen when the sec 3 exams are round the corner. Dont wish toimagine any further.
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Btw, readers. Firstly, my apologies if i get u stressed out after reading this. If so, is strongly urged u skip my exam woes part the moment you see it.
secondly, dont worry for me, k? Theres nothing to worry abt. seriously- for me.
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Sigh.. this is getting so hard to really express my feelings. Cus.. er.. Ive got 2 classmates and an ex-classmate/ gd friend and an.. hmm........ erm.. hmm.. somebody lar. hai. "dun wana think abt u, think abt nothing...." (simple plan's song).
Enough abt me talking abt school work. They are so stressful and it makes it more stressful to hink and talk about. Wonder when i will die man.. with such high levels of stress. hai.. The worst part, is about me being very reluctant to touch my books. Seems like i am developing a slight phobia of studies. Going nutz soon.
Steering awa from all this.. well.. Today.. after school, heres no band an i am extremly gleeful about it. After much persuation by me, Jaime, shuqing and Kapo plus me of course, ate outside together after our chinese lessons. Was quite glad that mrs jacob has postponed the date of collection of ws as i need not see her after school..
hmm.. we ate at KFC at jurong entertainment cntr. Shuqing mom drove us to school and she gave each of us red packet. In it is 4 bucks. Well.. I am quite happy to recieve it. Its the act of her gicing which made me happy but not the value. Actually.. hmm.. 4 bucks is the smallest red packet i have ever opened. I had recieved 8 bucks this CNY from my uncle.. and well.... er.. 8 bucks is the smallest sum i have ever opened that time. haha... I am extremly uneasy about it. Sigh.. thats a bad news. shows that i am spoilt.. Cus people will be either giving me a 50 or in tens. Never less than a ten. In fact the standard ones are: 20, 40, 50, 100. Thats all. But.. face values are always not of importance. What mattters most is the sincerity.
And the sincerity i am refering to is that it comes from your own heart, and own INITIATIVE. not u asking others for the amount u shld give. Not fed-up, by.. well... Just want to sa that. You are a huge disappointment- always. I am severely disappointed with you. hai.
Was staring out of the window thinking of my own problems when i suddeny expressed tomyself my opinion between a wish and hopes. In my view, hopes are things tat are realistic inmy view. Hence i would really drive for them. However, wishes are slightly less realistic in my view. hai.. and i gave one e.g. of a wish.
My hopes for something never dies. When i have a passion in something, it never dies. It is always there. My plant in the room is dying. It is wiltering despite the water i gave it. It is neither too much nor little. And i just poke to my plant earlier. I have hope in you that you will survive. Even if you fall today, i am sure you will recover or even reborn into a new plant. I have confidence in you, and i am sure you will never die. I have faith in you. So don't you ever let me down.
Crazy me? i disagree with you if you say that. Research has shown that plants who are spoken to, grow better than those which don't. And. the unique thing in this plant is that there are 2 coloured flowers. One is white and the otehr is purple. If you know me well. You will know what i will do automatically. I am the white and he is the purple. The colour of flower that wiltered first was the white. The conclusion you wish to derive out of this, simply depends on the scenario you which to out it under. And the choice is yours, as i do not wish to think.
Why have i spoke in such a way to my plant. I have no idea at all.
No matter what happpens, my hope is forever burning in me.
And i find this a negative aspect of me in long term situations.
So.. ate together with them... Following that, we chated together in the library, sitting in the children sect table and chairs as thats the quietest spot in the library. Togethr, we chat. btw.. we were at Jurong East. It is simple fun to have a girl chat.. Its been a long time since i have last done this. hmm.. talked about really funny stuffs about guys and of course memories that are not so gd ones. Do u think i would ever reveal my inner feelings? hmm... This a qs to ask yourself.
KaPo and ShuQing asked me a qs which i had found extremly disturbing. The qs was to whom am i closer to Mingyan or lyefong? well.. A qs which caused lots of thoughts of confusion that streamed in. Feeling uncertain, i simply gave KP a smile. A smile that speaks a thousand words in my opinion as I give you only when i am asking you back the qs. "What do u think that?" was the words that formed in my mind. With every statement i make, KP started deducing something out from me despite my cautious efforts not to reveal so much information to her.
as i was saying... was looking out of room's window.. well.. hmm.. I am feeling very worried for own family. Let me list my problems down.
- Still trying in avail to find a solution to my mom's problems
- Ways to cultivate a better relationship with my mom
- What can i do to help my family???? (a complex story)
- Friendship woes
- Examination phobia
- Stress academically
- Love?????? (there are plenty of question marks i have for myself)
Really want a solution. Desperate for a solution. I have been hiding the truth frommyself for almost a year. It is time i take them seriously and do something about them before its too late? i duno..
I really, reallywant someone to guide and lead me. Help me get out of this. pls, help me. (btw, i am not talking to u. Talking to myself. not putting any of u in awkward positions.)
Savour Every Moment
