● @ Wednesday, November 17, 2004 ●
im extremly bad mood at the moment. feeling very sulky. sad intially. but it turned to a bad mood after that. im bad mood now. so u cant be expecting me to tell u the details of events which happened days ago right???? band attendence was very poor today. someone told me a few stuffs about jiaming. well.. that really made me both angry and sad after that. that senior who told me this ar. i have nothing to say about her. just hope that she can be more sensitive to other's feelings plz. the way she tell me ar. like it means nothing to me lor. ya right. nothing, huh???
expects me to have no feelings of emotions like that. to tell you the truth. im now feeling worst than after ive got results like my failed math paper. really duno how to describe the emotions in me. only know that im in a very foul mood. i dont wana see my hp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it reminds me of Jiaming. how stupid. than in the first place, why had i msg'ed him. stupid me.
just wana say that i came to realise hpw stupid and blind i was. im totally fed-up lor. what do u think i am? can treat me more seriously, anot????!! i will not mind so much if you are treating me a junior. n\but if you are treating me just like a piece of joke, for god sake. who wouldnt be unhappy????????????????????????????? ok.. let me just say.. ive found out two things from this senior. firstly, how the what did my bday present came about. secondly, what happened all this while. from this, a simple conclusion. which caused me to be reather distressed and. i have nothing to say. just speechless.
was treaching home just now.. cooled down for a split second. but it was too good to last. cos i was suddenly understanding. cos i know that it must be tough for him. thus.. he has no choice but to do so. nevertheless. this moment only lasted for a short sec. im still unhappy. hai.. let me be more understanding. hai.. despite how pathethic the situtaion is now.. well.. he had aldready told me not to care bout him so much le. frgt it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! feeling angry again.
every time the flautist sees me, they would ask me of jiaming and i. i really felt liek yelling at them to shut up. but.. as usaul.. i put up a rather realistic smile.. im bored. alwyas having to smile when im in such a foul mood. as usual... but sounding more irritated, i told them. why? you want to know, ask jiaming. dont ask me. and.. they really want to.. when they next sees him.
got a double scolding from ms tan after lunch. cos.. that senior just told me abt jiaming. why am i beliving what this senoir's saying? ive my reason. cos i dont believe that pereson who told my senior, wish to frame jiaming. wana know who? im not saying.who. thinking again.. its my fault that the whole thing had occured. nothing of that sort would have happened if... hai. what more can i say? its just my fault.
kept squeaqing.. and.. i was like so deep in thoughts thinking about it.. that i couldnt really hear what ms tan is talking about.. ya.. kept squeking... ms tan bad mood le. asked me to play one part. thank god no counting problem. cos i was extremly confident when i played. still.. i was in a bad mood. so she scolds me for my playing. after that leh. scold me say why i give her such a black face. ppl bad mood cannot ar. she asked me stand in front.. started a long talking.. thankfully not about me. say wana slap my face and lots of shit.. In the end.. i no choice. k lar. she win. i created a kind of bashful face for her to see. she happy le. i can an angry teacher happy again. if that teacher is actually scolding me.. provided i dare to smile at her lar.. but its moree than a smiale. than she happy le lor. gd. but the band mmebers were like staring at my face.. wondering why im so bad mood. i bad mood cannot ar? nvr see than too bad lar.
reached sch at 8am.. cos i gota pass invitation cars to the teachers.. and i had to talk to mrs jacob. both emailing and sms'ing to her isnt good enough. she wanted to pick drive me and 3 other pupils who i had chosen to marine parade. so... ok lor...
brought my bks yesterday. very heavy.. the pure sciences bk are all so fat and heavy. kk.. i bad mood again. so.. i wana leave le. just wana say that im a complete failure, and how stupid can i be. speechlesss. u think i wld turn back? i doubt i will. unless i can help it. but currently since im in such a bad mood, my ans is a straight NO. though its only my fault. again. feeling depressed. cos of who tell me? i say lar. JOYCE told me. but.. itd notr her fault. i dont blame her. and who told her that, figure that out yourself. cant be bothered about this now.
-feeling bad mood- 6.59pm.
Savour Every Moment
