● @ Friday, November 26, 2004 ●
haha. here i am.. haha.. at this site, im gonna be dead.. besides, at my the other blog, depressed0721de.. my classmates are aldready complaining.. why hadnt i been updating.. hee.. got to write the events which happened on sun, thats my class bbq outing at east coas park.. er.. the one which i organised. =.=... mon.. nthn much.. just working for my aunt.. tue.. band i think.. let me check the calender.. oppps... hee...23rd Of Nov. oBviOuSlY theres band lar.. if not i will be placed in such a difficult situation.. haha.. god is so kind. hee.. wed.. band again i think... ya.. went SP i think.. thur.. i think is the sch's open hse.. fri.. today!! haha.. hmm.. went to sch with tanshin (forced to.. sob.. lol) did not want to work.. too lazy to work. haha..
sat night.. tired.. did some last min stuff till 1am. hai.. cos i got to finalise my food list, game list, things to bring, etc.. hai.. sun..reached clamenti at 9.45am.. zekai, xf and i, waited for mrs jacob's car to arrive.. arrived... sat in her car.. greet her.. hmm.. her car is big.. but.. i was not able to find her back seat saftey belt.. so... sat in her car while she was speeding.. had an uneasy feeling. talk lor.. mj can listen to a little of mandarin.. thats what i noticed. anyway.. she sms'ed me, insisting to drive us to marine parade de.. haha.. reached the NTUC.. felt that mj feels a little moody.. cos xingfang and i were leading in the supermarket, choosing all the food, leaving her with a boy pushing the trolley.. *laughs* she looks so bored! that i caught her looking at the raw mat and fish.. lol.. looks like she wants to cook them for her family huh? haha..
thank god i brought $110 bucks that day lor.. hai.. i should had more that day de leh.. hai.. but i was a little spendrith that week... hai.. asked xingfang to bring 50 bucks.. noticed that mj wanted to pay de. but she knows me.. i will not let her pay, unless ive got really no choice but to do so.. everything was so heavy.. both xf and i were so worried with each food the cashier keys in.. the balance was $120 bucks like that. well.. my jaws dropped upon seeing that. sob.. got to sacrifice my 100. hai.. together with mrs jacob, we carried the groceries to her car.. there, someone called me. hai.. sian..
reached east coast park.. as instructed, shuqing, shumin and yining were aldready sitting at the bbq pit. hai.. but unfortunately, they were unable to take shelter as what i had wanted them to do. cos someone was aldready there.. but i dont blame them.. they had tried their best, and im grateful for that.. mrs jacob iso strong!! haha.. she could carry a big John Little Bag, full of many NTUC bags in it, by herself!! wow.. impressive. and.. xf and i were so exhausted, trying to carry it.. looking at xf who felt like vomitting after carying.. and me, lloking so exhausted, she laughed at us. hey.. we are not so strong lar.. haha..
following that, she drove zekai, xf and i to nearest coffe shop to purchase our lunch. i just simply packet 6 chicken rice.. 3 for the 3 of us there, and the other 3 for those at the bbq pit le.. since mj had no where to park, she simply had to go round the road so many times.. i see le sian.. ex leh.. 6 pkts, 18 bucks.. got to help the 3 of them to pay first. 9 bucks. sob.. nvm lar. haha.. after mrs jacob dropped us off at the bbq pit with our packet lunch, she went home.. she ar.. want to go to her house supermarket to purchase chicken wings.. following that, go home to marante them. hai.. no matter how many times i persisted in taking a reciept from her.. she insisted to pay them herself. hai.. too kind le, huh? haha..
ate our lunch.. i got fed-up.. cos i was not able to eat my whole packet of lunch. a housefly landed on it so many times!!!!!!! ugh.... in the end, i had no choice but to throw away a half eaten pack into the rubbish bin. wasted.. i tried eating below.. but cannot leh.. hai.. anyway.. im a little unhappy that time.. due to the lack of common sense my class had. dont wish to say. attendence was not very good.. but i had earlier anticipated the size to be that all the while le. hai.. so.. no big deal.. the time schedule i had, was to have personal time for ourselves for 3hrs. but before that, i was rather busy trying to sort some things out.. and jaime was doing the games thing herself since i had to settle the more important thimgs. besides, i was also bsuy sms'ing and answering people's calls. hai.. which resulted my card value to drop from a 10 dollars to almost 5 bucks left. hai.. expected. but thats why i had brought a new card that time, isnt it? cos i know that my card value is bound going to be dropping on that day de.
shared a bike with jaime.. i payed 3 bucks only leh.. for 1hr. quite pleased. cos i did not intend to spend so much. teh bike is for 2 person.. since im not able to ride the bike so well.. my riding has been bad since young and every single time i go to East Coast Park, im bound to be having so bruises or wounds. but surprisingly, i had recieved none on that day. haha.. i had intially sat on the back.. which gave jaime a hard tiem trying to balance.. after a while, i was teh one riding in front. ugh.. wana torture me ar.. sob.. lol.
after a while, i lost trace of jaime.. cos she had to help another friend. so.. i just sat on that bike.. rode togethr with yininmg and sq who were skating.. hey.. fun! haha.. we rode from the bbq pit to the macdonalds.. thats rather far.. mac is at area C i think.. and the bbq pit is located at area D.. i wasnt able to balance very well intially.. ya.. anyway.. lyefong and zhiwei were ridding behind me too.. (they shared a bike since lf does not know how to ride one).. for me, loos rather idiontic lar.. cos im riding a 2 rider bike, yet theres no companion behind me. haha.. hmm..jaime started calling me.. so i sped back to the bbq pit myself.. this is the fast time i had ride so fast in my life.. and.. hhahahahahha!!! ive finally accomplished to balance myself le.. slow down, without hitting any innocent people.. lucky.. anyway.. i was proud of myself for being able to ride, on that day..
3pm.. the reporting time for all to report back to the bbq pit. jaime and i were so afraid to be late. im afraid to be late due to 2 reasons. 1. im theone who tells them to be back by 3pm. 2. im one of the game organisers, liek jaime, which is going to be the following event. unfortunately the weather wasnt so kind to us that day. but just as expected. heavy showers at eastern areas.. just as reported by the straits times weather forecast on that day.. it started off with strong wind blowing black clouds to our direction. i immediately threw plastic sheetswhich i had brought in preparation to the rain.. cover all the things up.. but nature wasnt so nice as it started rainning very fast, yet heavily.
most of us were drenched by the heavy rain, as we had to civer all the things. following that, get all our belongings to teh shelter. but only a few stayed under teh rain to help. how sad... well.. i was wearing a white shirt.. and.. lol.. that shirt i was wearing from what i know, is the thinnest shirt i had in my wardrobe. and.. ugh.... i was totally wet!!!! from top till bottom.. and.. obviously, my hair were wet too.. but i cared more for my shirt. okie.. some of teh idiotic boys were like looking. felt like hitting their face. the rain ws heavy, but thankfuly one which lasted for say 10mins only? hmm.. since most of us were wet.. at least those helpful ones.. jaime and i decided to start our water bomb games.. hee..
ya.. talking about boys. i feel like slapping one of my class boy that morning. i was struggling with a heavy bag mj had passed me, and he was just standing there, looking at me struggling. not even offering his help. im disgusted with him. not going to mention his name. water bomb games.. ok lor. well our games. hmm.. wasnt very nice to organise. guess what.. it wasnt so nice that i had to start shouting at my class boys. long time since i had last shouted. hai.. i dont like shouting.. hai.. the boys in my class, can never getr to sit down, keep thier mouth shut for a second, to listen and pay attention. not asking qs again later.
we were playing a hitting game.. i had to join in and jaime had to explain the game. none of the boys could sit down to listen. she gave me those kind of desperate looks.. hai. so i just stood up, start yelling at them. get everything done, than sit down. actually in my opnion, it looks comical. actually right.. if im shouting or saying in a harsh voice, to anyone, im not angry at all.. duno why.. just felt that way. unless i give you a very black face lar. than my sec one band juniors will know that they are in trouble le. hai.. but i always dislike doing that. hai..
4 plus.. mj and ms solastri came.. the moment ms solastri saw me, she asked if i had provided the wrong hp num.. ugh.. correct!! it starts with an 8.. nothing wrong.. took some pictures on that day.. did not really like the look on my face again. so.. haha.. im not showing them. haha.. but maybe the pic i took with ms solastri lar.. though its rather dark and unclear. ian was so eager to set up the bbq fire... while they set up, i go and change my shirt.. it looks nice.. haha.. cos its my first time wearing that shirt actually.. haha.. anyway.. i caught ms soalstri and mj talking about me. and im embarressed. but nothing bad lar.. just something good. thats why.. =.=
helped mrs jacob and ms solastri with the bbq from 6 plus till 8pm.. im tired from standing next to them. anyway.. im unhappy with priscilla. she made ms soalstri and mrs jacob having the wrong idea that i have a boy friend. hai.... after that, mrs jacob does not seems too happy with me. hai.. while the rest were eatng, i was helping lor.. tired. did not eat anything till 8 plus.. cos mrs jacob offered me her fruits.. cos as eveniong approached, i start feeling a little depressed le..
hai... i musnt look at the sea de!! i will get depressed. and im serious about that. im afraid.. mj can read my mind.. hai.. actually i did not eat anything cos i did not had the appetite to do so. was to engrossed with my thoughts aldready... she just asked if i had eaten anything, than pass me her fruits. ugh.. i thik shes thinking that her conclusion of me is true. im thin cos i do not eat anything. UGH.... no.... im sian lor.. its my genes!!! i eat plenty of food everyday de.. hai.. felt quite depressed that night.. hai... i only know for sure what i was thinking. cos theres only 3 things in life thats making me depressed. my family, studies and love. which one do u think iist? ha. ha. mothing funny. let me stop thinking about that..
hmm.. in the end, i ate something. cos teh fruits mj offered me, made me rather hungry after that.. o i ate lor.. mr tham and mr ng wee cheung came that day too.. but mr tham came with his family.. we cleared everything by 10pm.. took a feedle bus together.. tahn take MRT.. mr ng sms'ed jaime and i teh same sms.. sayting that we had done a great job organising.. thx!! hee.. i sms'ed mrs jacob. thanking her.. she replied me an hr later.. when i was walking in to my house.. i appreciate that, cos its so eeriee!!!! 11 plus.. sigh.. i envy people's houses liek aloy.. so near the bus stop.. mine ar.. brisk walking takes me at least 3mins leh. casual walking, 5. sian... saw mj hp.. she was showing of her hp.. saying old hps are still the best. i dont deny that.. hmm.. taht would be a good argumentive essay to write, isnt it? haha..
felt that whole thing lasted a short while.. and.. well... good things always end so fast.. sigh.. anyway.. found out that my hand was sun burnt after that.. but its gone now, and im glad of that. haha.. anyway.. im extremly tired from eeverything, after this activity.. esp from organising.. not enjoyingh myself, much.. now i have a slight phobia of organsing le.. anyway.. ive touched teh hearts of some of my classmates like cassandra.. thats nice.. dont ask me why.. cos she says taht i look so busy and involved. people were rendering their help to me. asking if i need help.. erm.. do i look so busy? well.. im touched. lol. serious.. lyefong wants me to help. u know what i ask her to do, take care of my hp. haha.. since i do not know what to let her do.. -phobia of being an organiser on the 21st Nov-
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22nd.. mon.. work.. nothing much.. i only know that day very sian.. brought my math hw to do.. sian..
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23rd Nov 2004. A tue. JiaMing came... ya.. and on the 22nd that night.. i slept very late.. very stressed.. got to finish all the paper crane paper i had.. happened that there were an exact number of 141 cranes in total. im beginning to wonder: Is it me the one who is very cautious, or is it my friends who are so rough? hmm. i really wonder. cus lots of my friends said i treat the cranes like precious.. whats wrong with that? when i had to do some transferring of cranes, i had to move each and every crane. you know what celestine says, she says she would just pour them like water if she were me. what? unbelivable. something is wrong with me, if you catch me doing that. really siao lor.. hai..
a single paper crane resmbles a lot to me. every single paper crane, represents the different colours of JiaMing. that is why i treat them with care. hai.. anyway.. on teh other hand of the story.. well.. i started this isnce August.. before my birthday.. so.. i have been doing this from Aug till Nov. and i have a huge phobia of making paper cranes now. phew.. at last ive made finish.. it really scary making them for 3 months.. but i had obviously stopped doing during my exam period. thats why i had start early!! anyway.. i still feel that the big golden ppaer crane i make for myself last year, is still the best. i only kept one for myself. cos i believe a single one would be more pure. the multiple mini cranes i made for him simply resembles the devotion. thats all. and.. of course some other things. im not saying.
had lots of trouble bring a bag and my clarinet from my house till school. the bag kept tilting..and i had to keep it from tilting. cos i had spent the night before that, taking out every single crane from teh box, and putting them back nicely, into the box!! so... i obviously would not like the box to be tilted. but. nvm. cant help it.. did not know why.. but i like the date so much.. taht i kept staring at my hp date.. as if its my bday date. im going nuts. hai.. anyway.. haha.... im happy that day.. and im glad he is. so long he's happy with me, im glad.
he msged me himself.. that day, and im surprised. but somehow rather.. i feel that. hai.. dont feel myself. get it? hai.. not the usula person. just feel that ive changed personality le. do not feel the way i would normally do. tahts what. hai.
afternn.. sectionals.. cg came.. anyway.. i duno why.. but i just scowled at the sight of him. opps.. haha.. anyway... he doesnt visit this blog le. doint think so.. hahhaha!! they made fun of me lor.. he commented that my hanwritting is as bad as jiaming.. than everyone laughed.. radhia told me recently.. a comment. .. thats the wierdest comment a person ever gave me regarding about jiaming and i. she told me that..... well.. i hope no one sees this. haha.. well.. she says that... sob.. =.=. hai.. "you ar jiaming can make a very good mother and father. can create a very good family.. will treat wach other verey well... .............. okie.. dont tell me the future. cos. i do not wish to think about that.
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i suddenly found myself not feeling much when he does not reply to my msg. somehow rather.. i guess.. what for be sad over this. whether he is to busy or cant be bothered to reply... ive set my heart to it aldready. why be disappointed about it? i guess, i just cant take it anymore. just got to slowly let it go. cant help it. mr wong told me today. you cant have everything you want in life. if you wish to lead a nice life, you just have to forgo with some things. life is going to be really miserable for you, if you choose to have everything you want in life. how sad. i missed out a word his bday card.. it was: "L.U.A". sigh..
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wed.. priscilla very good hor.. leave me alone to play the 2nd clarinet. hai. hmmm.. went SP.. anyway.. how stupid of me. i had accidentally left my blue pen in jiaMing's bag, after writting his bday card. hai.. u want a joke? the teacher's day card i wrote for her.. well.. i had forgot to took out the rice tag of her card. ... hope she had not noticed it. luckily hers was the most expensive card. cos its a halmark one. haha.. how embaressing.
anyway.. ms tan is intending to buy a pristige clarinet for joyce, tanshin and i. im so embarressed by that. ahh.. hmm.. still thinking about that.. if its a good or bad news for me. hmm.. hai.. whatever it is, im touched, and i thank her for that. busy that day.. qm stuffs.. aloy do stands, i do instruments.. jasmine just instruct.. how cool. haha.. ms tan started criticising my section mmebers again. saying that the rest no use. only buraini, joyce and i were useful. something like that.. ms tan talked to me once.. she wants me to have more confidence in myself. sigh.. how true; i just need to be more confident in my playing; hai.
anyway. i only can comment one thing. ms tan, u have a very poor judgement!!!!! hai.. radhia and amnita's attendence is good lor. hai. anyway.. radhia cried which reminded myself of something. hai.. so.. just gave her my comments and console.. hai... sad. i gave her a quote, which radhia uses it now.. haha.. its :" prove to her that you are better than what she thinks you are!!"
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thur... tanglin open hse.. came to sch late. i thought whats the big deal when i reached school.. people were shouting my name in joy. .. i thought whats the din till i caught sight of his blushing face. he looke so cute when he blush. haha. anyway.. the band sounded terrible that day. atrocius man.. hai... my section ar.. no good lar. i got a little angry with the sec ones. cos when i sit next to them, i can hear them loud and clear. hai.. i wasnt able to play very well that day too.. not a very nice tone that day. hai.. joyce kept "thanking" me, for not being able to play. she had 5 ulcers.. in which i kept giving me advice till she calls me her mom... (which radhia tells me again that i make a gd mom. ...)
and that mr wong was one big wierdo that day. next time ar.. if you spot him looking bored and asking someone to play for him hide!!! i felt very curious, when i saw mr wong sitting opp jiaming, asking mitchell to play her flute. well.. i soon knew what was that after that. cus he also asked me to play. i had no choice but to sit next to jiaming, whereby people keep asking me to get closer and closer to jiaming. actually right, in my opnion, the space between the bot of us ok ma.. just that its the person, thats making me embaresed. if not i wouldnt mind if my skin touches teh otehr person lar.. so long its not a guy. i was feeling so stiff at that time.. hai.. joyce thought i would be happy. happy? why happy? i dont see any reason why i should be happy. im neither happy nor unhappy. just uncomfortable and stiff; thats all.
but mr wong was kinder to me. her allows me to pick any part i want, to paly. haha.. so. obviously, i chose thos parts where i sound good at lar. haha.. slow parts. haha.. when i ask him why am i doing this, he says he feels very bored, so he wish to listen some of the better players. oh. im touched. haha.. but..er.. wierd lar. he gave a fright a little, actually... hmm.. following that, he asked me for my post in band. im trying my best not to think to much now. anyway... i dont think i can go so far too.. im tired of competiting with people whom i feel who are potentially good leaders.. like felicia and aloysius.
after that, ms tan kept telling me that im not such a good player. er... isnt that obvious?? extremly obvious!! haha.. anyway.. hope mr wong had not been talking ito ms tan abt me.. in the afternn.. well.. radhia wants me to teach her.. teach what, i also duno.. how i improve my tone? i duno.. it was just liek yesterday, where my tone s*cks. now better le. but from G to the highest C, my tone not very nice le. i have to improve on that. If not.. my lower C to G ok lor.. hmm.. just found this a little confusing.. cos i can bet talking about C Majr Scale.. starting from that C right? im talking crap...
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friday.. today.. tanshin came back from malaysia last night. she called me.. wana make up band dates with me today.. actually i no dates to make up le. on my list, im written absent for 4 times. groan.. actually, im only late for thrice, and 1 morning diddnt come for band. thats all. so.. just came for band. a bit sian with clarinet.. tue, play. wed, play again. thur also. today, fri, play again. sian. but you know. i came for band with tanshin today for make up lessons ar.. we listen to my diskma till out of batt, i took lots of pics of the clarinet, did math hw, joked.. hmm... ya.. and of course got play music lar. but i very sian.
anyway.. that song, Love Doesnt Have To Hurt by Atomic Kittens, wow.. so nice.. i also like A1, like A Rose. but.. that idiotic iwebmusic site does not have the song. no lar.. its not idiotic. haha.. sian... i almsot chose Jolin's leomon Grass song. but.. the lyrics is so.. let me think again ar.. hmm. ya! remb le. the lyrics is like a break up of what.. but nice melancholic melody. ya.. so.. i do not like the song lyrics. its in manadarin.. break up... how inauspicious. haha.. no choice.. got to take this dead song.. evanasence.. my immortal. i dont really like this song so much at the moment. only like this when im feeling really hearbroken. but im not feeling that way now leh.. haha.. i know.. i will take 5566 songs. haha..
mr wong and tanshin were discussing abt the 29th and 30th joseph performance thing... he was asking the alumni attendence. that was when he started teasing me about jiaming. ugh.. i act blur, stilll cannot ar. haha.. cos he asked which date more alumnis coming.. 29 or 30th.. i told him 30th. (cos jiaming coming ma. haha!) he asked me.. so with an innocent voice liek he means nothing to me, isaid jiaming. ugh.. than mr wong say i only know about jiaming, and nobody else. ugh.. =.= laughing lar.. of course. haha..
went to the staff room.. on top of mrs jacob roof table, is our class teacher's day gift for her. haha.. im so touched!!! lol.. cos i make one. haha.. its a blue coloured one. very obvious, when i looked into teh staff room. the card is very nice.. lol.. praising myself. haha.. mr wong showed tanshin and i the pictures of the graduating seniors during that night before. meiyue looks nice!! followed my rongxing.. lynn, is as usual lar... so nothing special. she always look pretty.. rongshan looks like onlinda lor.. haha.. she wear pants. haha.. the boys looks horrible. haha..
after band, tanshin and i went clementi central, to buy 2 cakes. 1 for the 29th, and the other on the 30th. sob. i had to pay 15 bucks for ecah cake de deposit. 29th is mdm sutinah's bday.. 30th, is nuraini's idea.. celebrating for the graduating seniors.. nuraini suggested to me.. i passsed it to tanshin.
hmm.. guess im going to chnage hp number soon. hai.. cus im now currently M1 prepaid card holder.. theres this new plan of Singtel.. its LitePod.. 10 plus i think.. per mth... i like the plan. 700 free sms.. calls, as usual.. charged accordingly. so.. i guess i have to forgo my existing number, if i want the plan, which is much more suitable to for me. hai.. 700 ar.. alot leh. hai.. got to really restrict myself from sms'ing jiaming too much. hai.. anyway..
i felt sick after reading teenage magazine last night.. teh columm, where u can ask qs.. well.. hmm.. reading their qs and reply, just make me feel upset. hai.. im sick from reading it. er.. pschologically sick; not physically.. i kept noticed that i always type teh wrong info.. which is totally opp to what i want to say. ugh.. got to be more careful. sometimes i duno what am i typing, after reading my blogger entries. haha..
hmm.. will place the pics another day.. very late le.. the time now is 1.31am.. but. ive been typing all these while, offline lar..
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