● Term 2 2004, Band Camp @ Friday, June 25, 2004 ●
22.06.04
My dad brought me a M1 top up card, right after i've told him that my card value is $0.05 low... haha... well... Well.. M1 subscribers, here's a good news. With each time u top up your card, you will get 100 free sms. But unfortunately, this is only for a limited time only.. I've calculated.... 1 sms cost 5 cents, so 100 sms'es will cost us 5 bucks. haha.. so now is the best time to top up your card.. haha.. why am i advertising for M1? So the moment i got it, i toped up my card. So i've got 100 free sms, in lieu of my card value of $17.05.When i got my card, i immediately sms'ed to someone.. haha.. so far.. only use the m card to sms that same person... if not to reply other people's msg lorh..
23.06.04
Went for band camp.. told mr wong about the tsmb idol cert thing.. found out that he deleted the cert, which i had sent to him, through email... ugh.. in the morning, we did some drills.. teach sec ones... very sian... than have main band with miss tan.. haiz.. she's going to teach another school.. that's what she said.. she kept hinting that she's going to leave tanglin soon... after the syf.. cuz she keeps telling us what to do, should she leave one fine day, etc. we played 2 new pieces that day... one is "trail of tears", and the other.. i've forgotten...
I was quite busy that day.. kept walking in and out the door.. from the band room, to the music room.. vice versa. not that i want to.... but i've got to... either to help, or find bm/dm... Mr Wong wanted my hp number.. so i gave it to him.. He's the first person, which "helps" ,my card value to drop... haha.. since my sms is free of charge, so.. sms'ing a lot, will not affect my card value.. well.. half way during band time, he called my hp, and told me the horror news.. he said that he has aldready deleted my email, containing the tsmb idol attachement. ugh.. i was horrified when i heard it... so he wanted me to go home, to take the soft copy..
meanwhile, don't know who that person ar.. go and throw away the stack of newspaper, which i had brought a few days ago... and the newspaper, are neede for one of the games, which is the extreme make over.. haiz.. so i've got to go home... Rachel is afraid that the newspapers are going to be heavy.. so she asked someone to follow me home, to help me carry the nespapers.. which is.. Nuraini. haha. So we chated on the way to my house... we left the school at about 2pm, almost 3... at my house, i had difficulty saving the tsmb idol cert, which is in the computer... which i try saving the cert into the disket, we listened to a few mp3 songs which is in my computer... a few of them are queen park melody, and wishes. Finally, we left with the disket for mr wong, and the stack of newspapers for the band.
So i spent from 3pm till 4 plus, at home.. haha.. trying to save the tsmb idol cert... for mr wong. Than i passed the disket to mr wong.. telling him that i will be right back.. after i've put down the newspapers in the band room, and come back with coloured paper.. when i came back to the staff room... guess what mr wong told me?? he said he was unable to open it... haiz.. i was simply stunned by the news.. in the end... mr wong brought me into the staff room.... to make the tsmb idol cert again.. haiz.. so i did it on the computer desk.. that corner had lots of things.. computer of course.. scanner, printer, and a photocopier.. so i did my work there.. mr wong had to stay there too.. cuz a student must have a teacher's consent and presence, in order for the student to get into the staff room.
So i made the cert on the spot.. mr wong was behind me.. so i've got no idea, what's mr wong doing.. suddenly i heard him saying something.. he talked a lot.. i felt it was creepy... haha.. cuz i knew he's not talking to me, and there's no one there either... talking himself.... that's what i thought initially. haha.. Than i turned around, to ask for permission to go to my msn.. for the tsmb logo.. cuz liyana sended it to me... that was only when i realised he's listening to some music.. haha... so he's singing.. not mumbling to himself.. haha.. rachel wanted me to print out 14 cert for winners, and 5 for participants.. we had expected that 18 ppl would be participating... when i printed out the copy, i asked for mr wong's opinion.. his answer was "very nice!" lol.. i don't really think it's that nice..
After staying in staff room making the tsmb idol cert, mr wong wants me to help him to type out a song.. it's called "no matter".. well... its quite hard typing for him... cuz his handwritting is almost illegible.. besides, there were lots of broken english.. and sound words... onomatopaiea. like "chiang, chiang.." so quite hard to type.. haha... hopped i had typed correctly... cuz i noticed afterwards that mr wong had printed out the song i've typed.. and let all the seniors see.. ugh.. i repeated typing the words so many times, that i can remeber the lyrics.. it was: "no mattter what they tell us, no matter what they do.." Following that, mr wong placed the headphone which he has been listening, to my ears.. the song, sounded quite old.. yucks.. haha... no lar.
So i spent 3pm til 4pm at my house.. than from 4, till 5pm.. almost , at the staff room with mr wong... making tsmb idol cert again, and helping mr wong to type out the lyrics.. haiz.. oh great... i've missed out playing lots of songs when i was away.. the whole band played new songs, joseph & la storia. so after bidding mr wong a bye.. i went to the music room... found out that someone had packed my clarinet.. thanks... whoever you are. haha.. rachel and tanshin had grouped the band into groups.. so when i came back, she had to ungroup some people, to form a new group with me... very extra right? haha..
After that.. dinnner.. 1 hour... whole clarinet section excluding the tanshin and joyce... haiz.. anyway. we ate at ginza kfc... the talk went out worst than expected.... before long, priscilla and radhia were saying how unfair tanshin and rachel were... the worst thing is that, tyhey were criticising more of tanshin than rachel.. HAIZ.the were saying how unfair tanshin was.. the worst thing about this.... is that.. their reason of saying why tanshin is unafir.. is cuz of ME.
They feel inferior... they felt that tanshin treats me better than them. haiz.. when i told them tha i do not think so.. priscilla told me: "but dont u feel that tanshin and rachel.... whenever they need someone to help them, they would call for u?" haiz.. but i do not think that tanshin and rachel are that biased lorh.. not the way priscilla and radhia feels. tanshin and rachel have totally their own reason for chosing me.. take... teh appointed people in each section to call their members... They chose me for the clarinet section, cuz they feel that i am more willing to help, than priscilla. And i cant deny that priscilla is not very helpful at some ponit... haiz.. whatever lar. i hate comparing myself to others lar... whatever. anyway.. both priscilla and radhia felt so angry with tanshin, that tehy want to quit the band. ok... whatever. i can't stand it, when they kept on criticising tanshin. Especially priscilla. She's absolutely not thoughtful about others feelings lorh. Radhia is better.. she controls herself, not to say too much negative things about tanshin.. But i think it's all about the matter, if u are willing to help the seniors a not. that's all.
So.. felt quite deppressed and angry with both radhia and priscilla... after dinner. I only can say one thing lar. I hope that they will be more understanding, and not to get jealous. Just ignore the fact that the seniors prefer me better than them, haiz. whatever lar. Just know the fact... but need not get heated up.. just understand that in life, there's bound to have someone disliking you... that's my message to both prisciila yee, and Radhia. but i doubt very much they would see this.. i can block and ban people from signing up one leh.. haha.. -read between my lines-... haha
Had night trail after that... haha.. quite fun larh. not scary at all... more of excitement, i must say... seniors group us in pairs.. Radhia is in teh same group with me.. we were the third pair to leave. After the first pair left, and everyone were talking among themselves, i noticed than tanshin drew nearer to me.. she was carring a block of fulscap paper. With it, she whispered into my ears.. She told me that the block was rachel's fulscap paper.. she warned me that rachel they all will be going round to splash us with water.. and told me that the fulscap block is for me, to protect myself, when rachel start spalshing us. lol.. grateful? yes, i am.. but i felt quite uneasy.. cuz i knew what radhia is thinking, when i told her, what tanshin told me. have to say lar.. cuz she same group with me... haiz.
Had some fun marchin after that.. we marched 45 degress.. haha.. bath afterwards.. i met joyce online a few days before the band camp.. she kept nagging me about my hair.. thab kept asking me about jiaming and i.. very iritating... i felt like blocking her at that time.. haha.. -serious- she wanted me to change hairstyle.. she wanted to see teh change when teh band camp starts.. haha..
i think joyce has hallucination lar. heehee... cuz i do not remeber making any effort to change it.. so when i first met her on the day of band camp, she told me: "good. You did change your hairstyle." Did i change? i dun remeber doing so.. lol. when i denied changinmg it, she said nothing.. so after bathing.. you know... our hair are all wet.. so we let it down.. i combed my hair in a fashion, like when someone rebonds it.. so it looks quite straight... again, joyce told me: "u did change mar! u look different!" ugh.. duno her lar.. haha...
following that.. we had teh extreme make over.. and the tsmb idol... again, i was quite busy.. helpped mr wong bring the miny CD player, to the AVA room.. than help mr wong to open the school gate, for peirong and zhihui to enter into the school.. than i forgot to take the tsmb idol cert, from the music room.. found out that prisc has also forgotten about the tsmb idol presents too.. so i helpped her to take it. than... tanshin and rachel wants me to help them... take materials for the extreme make over.. than my group and i sang some songs.. i cant really hear my voice... cuz the room is really big..
I was left with lots of tsmb idol cert in the end.. Rachel kept apologising to me.. but it's not her fault lar. though she told me to print out 19 copies.. and i we only need 8 copies.. but i feel that it is a waste for the band's money.. cuz of the number of color sheets i need, which is not being used in the end. following that, watched the alumni act according to the song mr wong let me listen.. They were Jia Ming, chengyee and chenguang. Than aloysius they all kept on calling jia Ming, jia Ling.. ugh.. haiz. Dont call Jia Ming, Jia Ling leh.. make jia ming and i very paisei leh..
After that.. watched Cats In The Hats.. Don't meant to be rude.... but.. i'm just not interested in cartoon movies.. besides.. feeling rather down... so i sat at a corner, while others laid on the floor, with their sleeping bags.. Throughout the whole movie, i was listening to my diskman.. seldom looking at the screen. I would be looking on the floor, listening to music.. only looking on the screen once in a while, when others laugh..
I noticed that i was teh only one without a sleeping bag.. hmm.. odd one out.. felt wierd.. but got used to it liao.. tanshin than suggested to share her slepping bag with me.. that's kind of her.. luckily i was wearing jeans.. some people like maveric asked me, why was i wearing jeans. i replied to him, that later sleep cold mar. haha.. i brought a jacket along.. but it turned out that i had also bring it for tanshin to use too.. at night, she snatched away my jacket leh!! She's got a blanket.. and i did not take it away from her.. that's why i started feeling cold at about 5 in the morning...
To be frank.. i did not sleep much.. at 2am.. we were able to sleep.. but i hadn't really the mood to sleep.. firstly, cuz someone is awake too.. erm.. i think only 1 main reason lar.. haha.. cuz i cant really rest in peace, when i know that he is also not resting.. haiz.. that's why i say... i'm not really in the mood to sleep. So i just closed my eyes... listening to the radio. Which happened to be 98.7FM. =)
At about 4am, i started feeling quite tired.. kept yawning.. haiz.. very tired liao.. but still.. cant really sleep. cuz still thinking of him.. that chenguand lar! go and remind me of that dream.. In my blogger, i wrote that i had dreamt having sex with this guy.. and cg knew who i was refering to.. so before i slept, cg stopped in front of me, sating: "No hanky Panky.. esp you" ugh... i knew he's refering to the dream i had.
So i could not sleep, cuz i was busy thinking about him, as he's awake, and he's in the same room as me.. so it is something inevitable, to stop thinking of him.. and whenever im almost gong to fall asleep, i would jerk myself awake.. fear of dreaming about having sex with him on bed again. and he's in the same room lorh! But.. i dont blame him lar.. quite glad that he stay overnight liao.. =)
24.06.04
Seems like this term band camp, is a matter about stands for me, as a QM.. at first, misplacement of stands.. than my junior go and break a stand.. the whole head fell off.. after that, joyce had a complain about a spoilt stand. So i went to the QM table.. just grabbed a stand.. not looking much at it.. When i gave it to Joyce, joyce said: "Wah! New stand leh.. actually not supposed to take new stand. But since this stand is a QM take one, so nevermind." er.. haha.. i paisei. heehee. shall make sure what kind of stand i take in future..
Had main band after that.. played second clarinet.. wah.. i dead leh. at cassanova.. cuz 2nd clarinet play differently.. haiz.. and at that song, i was the only second clarinet player.. cuz all the seniors helpped at the first clarinet piece.. it's hard.. Found out that the construction worker wanted to throw away my geog project.. haiz.. so after band pract.. or rather.. the camp.. i brought it to the second floor.. i wanted to look for mr ng at the main staff room door... But decided against it.. after all... mr ng, can be found at the back door.. so went i turned toward the back door corridor, i hapened to spot mr ng at the end of it. haha.. so passed it to mr ng.. hope this is the very last time, i need to handle this geog project around. haha...
Went back home at about 3pm.. had a quarrel with my mom.. I ended up crying... haiz.. felt extremly depress.. isnt that obvious.. if i cry, it means that im feeling very sad right... haiz. I really feel like vanishing away from this place.. this place is really terrible.. you getr accused for a whole lot of things, which u have not done.. haiz.. and it's really sad, seing how sad ur mom, feels, as she thinks of all tyhe things u had done to her, whjen u urself have not done it at all. haiz..
I really feel like ending it all.. i gave it lots of thought for the past few months.. well.. if i do not commit sucide, it's cuz of 3 person. Someone i love, my dad, and younger brother. Honestly................... my mom is the one which really make me see what's teh point of living... she makes me very sad. haiz... Im really sorry to myself to say this. but im merely stating facts.
Haiz................ It seems like there is only 1 thing which brighten up my mood this days. It's teh person whom i love.. though.. he sometimes make me sad... example.. that night in the AVA Room.
Whenever i cry.. i will feel very tired.. want to sleep.. unless im sooo sad.. that i cant sleep. haiz.. thats when i cry.. about a month ago.. for the person i loved.. cuz i felt very heartbroken. anyway.. after crying yesterday... i slept at 4pm.. cuz im sad.. and dont forget.. im exausted from the night before. did not have much sleep.. mind preoccupied with someone.. woke up at 11pm.. haiz.. wasted all my time sleeping.. haiz.. ate dinner.. bath.. haiz.. slept at about 2am, comming to 3.. woke up at 9am this morning.. haiz...............................
went to SGH.. got my last eye clinic appointment.. they put eye drops.. well.. my vision was so blur.. my eyes were contracting/ squinting, under the strong sunlight.. due to the effects of the eyedrop.. haiz.. really felt liek closing my eyes...cuz my eyes is quite pain, for squinting my eyes.. and eyes.. quite blur.. haiz... i know that's very dangerous... esp when im crossing the road.. and im alone.. but.. well... nothing matters any more, except the person you love, whe you feel liek ending it all..
I wonder how i am going to go through all these.. troubles. haiz.
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