● Forever tRouBleD @ Wednesday, April 14, 2004 ●
Monday.... I've got band pract... i was having a rough nite... Band ended at 6pm++. But i came home at 8.45pm... My dad was quite mad wif me.... Dat sumone, whom i was talking to dat nite, called me on the phone... Dat is e frst time dat person ever called my hp/ house phone.... We talked till 11pm... Dat nite, i felt extremly ashamed wif myself.... And dat person was quite heart broken.... I almost tot e other person knew dat we were talking tghr.... So i tot he is anri wif me. Haiz.... u probably will not noe wad i'm talking.. i understand dat.. But, i've got no intention at all, of revealing their names. Cuz they r all highly confidential.. haiz.. dat nite, i do not hef e time to do anithg aftr dat....
Tuesday.. Yesterday... I feel quite.... In a no mood to do anithing.. No mood at all. Cuz i'm feeling quite angri and sad.... Not in e mood at all, to eat, or do wadever.... Unfortunately, i've got to do some last min touch up on my geog presentatiion and model... So i did dat veri unwillingly as e next day which is todae, is my grp's presentation. Aftr doin e geog presentation and hardcopy, it is abt 8 plus. I had onli placed 1 foot into my rm, den dat same person who called me the previous nite had callled me. We talked till abt 11pm again.
At dat time, i felt increasingly disappointed wif myself, and angri 4 sumone. I duno y i juz feel angri wif him. Well, i can understand dat he is busy, so he does not want me to... im not saying. But i guess i juz felt quite hurt when i got his critic remarks. Cuz i had spent my time, no fail to sms him.... and there he is,. Nop. I can't say. Far too risky. Aniway, i juz feel quite angri wif him. So at abt 11pm coming to 12am, i slowly di d my things.
From 11pm to abt 1145, i spent my time doin e geog model.. aftr 1145, i spent my own sweet time wraping e presents 4 e Australians. I did not noe how long i took. I onli noe dat i took as long as i can, to do my things despite how late it is. Cuz i'm not in e mood to sleep at all. Not at all. so i slept at 2am. Cuz i was feeling so deppresed.
Wednesday; today. We were told to wear our band tee to sch todae. So we had lessons till 9.30. Or rather, dat'z e time i sHoUld be leavin e classrm. But instead, i left at abt 1030pm. lol. Prisc left abt 9.25? i duno... round there... Cuz it juz happened dat my lesson at dat time was geog. And i had to present it!! I can't leave e classrm, if i've not yet presented. I would not feel at peace u noe....
Tan Shin suggested dat i leave e classrm on time lah.. Dun bother abt e presentation.... Den i told her: 'I am the group leader. How can i not be present? The group needs me.' And indeed it is true. The group members were talking so soft. haiz.... Dis is e thing which i despises, when others is presenting. So i knew how e audiences feel, when my members are talking so softly... Besides, Mr Ng would surely deduct mks...
Guess wad? In e end, i've got to talk almost 80% of it in e end. Ya, u might say 'haha'. But i guess it'z not funny at all. Not say i'm in e PeRfEct mOoD pass few dayz.... It'z not funny at all. I was struggling myself, to speak loud, and yet i muz prevent myself frm stumbling over wrds.... I was quite angri wif Lye Fong at the time.... Cuz she is eitehr too fast or slow! So, not onli do i hef to do wad'z mention juz now, i also hef to look at e Lap-top too, to make sure dat she is at e same pace wif me. Neitehr too slow nor fast. I juz discovered a strong point todae.. I'm able to interact well wif e audiences.... I noticed dis, when i started asking them qs...
But aniway, e presentation was quite a stressful one for me... cuz i've got to keep on talking.... And once in a while picking my grp members to talk 4 me at some prts..... This should b e time 4 me to rest my mouth. But, but.... Dis onli makes me angri.... Cuz they would b speaking too soft. Den my classmates would b grumbling... haiz... den i got to help them wif e hrd wrds. Sigh.... So it'z better 4 me to say rite???? Haiz..
Isn't it obvious dat my grp neeeds my help? Dat'z y i've got to stay in class; and being late 4 band to help my grp. Can't leave my grp in a lurdge. U noe.... Wrong spelling izzit?
Before i left, Mr Ng talked to me personally. I was quite glad when he told me dat he feels dat i'm quite a capable leader. But he said dat i need to get e whole grp more involved. Said dat more hands will make a far better wrk. Not juz me, myself helping e grp. He said if i had done dat, i would not b talking myself, 4 so many slides. I supposed he can see dat i'm quite mad wif my grp. Indeed i was. And quite stressed to. In e middle, of e presentation, abt 9.35am, i asked mr ng 4 permission to use hp to sms my senior. He seems mildly surprised dat i had asked such a qs....
He knew i wa in a hurry. I've got to come 4 band.... Dat'z y he gave me e permission. So i sms'ed Tan Shin dat i will b late. When e geog presenation had ended, and wif mr ng's private conversation, i gladly hurried to e band rm. The Australians had onli juz arrived. I felt so happy when i reached e band rm.... Thinkin' dat i had got all of Ms Solastri's exam clues, and yet i had finished wif my presentation.... Honestly... I enjoy being a grp leader. Cuz in dis way, i can make e whole grp work well tghr. And tghr, we can achieve a higher grade in our proj.
I keep on forgetting dat i'm e qm.... Got to help. So i helped Jasmine wif e carrying of stands 4 e australians..... and 4 e frst time, i actually hold the e QM's loaning of instru's bk. I helped Lin Yun to borrow her flute. The whole clarinet section gave lots of presents to e Australian clarinet sect..... Their band has lots of flutists.... Their band sounds nice... Their sch's choir, guitar and violin cca also came. They are reali not bad...
Haha.... I sat at e second row, first person todae when we performed. We payed S'Pore Medley and Hawaii five-O. Before the performance, i was quite scared.... Cuz i'm supposed to sit in e frst seat leh.... Though i'm in second row lah.... But it'z still scary rite? to think dat will be ppl who is sitting so close to u, watching u play. But, when i was playing e music, i did not feel any kind of pai sei or scared at all lorh. I feel dat'z surprising. Though e sec ones, who were sitting near me were watching me play and a media-tech person was even watching me play, i'm not scared at all. Duno y.... I suppose i hef too much tots in mind, to bother to think of such stupid things, when it is compared to my probs.
i dun think prisc can seat in e 1st seat. Cuz she has dis veri bad habbit of tapping her feet. Whenever she tap, it would b her right foot. So if she's seating at e frst seat, wouldn't it be even obvious? I found smthing frm e Australian Clarinstist. They asked me wad reed i'm using. When i said reed 3 1/2, her eyes widened. Then she replied in a tone full of accents: 'This is crazi. It'z so hard to blow'. This shows dat they believe in using an easier reed. Hmm....
When i sms'ed him juz now.... My tone was actually quite bland lorh. Yes, my love is a lust to him. But i'm juz not in a mood to talk too much wif him. Cuz he onli makes me remb of wad happen 2 nites ago, and how i had felt last nite. Dat'z y my wrds are all not properly joined tghr. They r all broken into pieces.................
Savour Every Moment
